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A Devotees Clairvoyant Insight
and Bizarre Sexual Visions at the Ashram
From the Yahoo Sathya Sai Discussion Site, August 2, 2001
My name is Kyra Kitts....My own experience with SB, as a woman devotee (now long-time ex-devotee), didn't involve sexual abuse, but was traumatic nonetheless.
My first encounter with SB was extraordinary, as it appears to be for many. It was in a semi-awake/semi-asleep dream vision in 1989 or 1990. I woke out of deep sleep watching with my mind as my heart was literally calling out "SB, come! SB, please come." (I'd seen his picture some time earlier...) Later a friend told me that he was an avatar and that I should try contacting him in dream state, which I did. I don't know why I did so, as I wasn't particularly drawn to SB.
Anyway, instantly upon my heart calling out, SB appeared out of the darkness in my semi-dream state rapidly walking towards me. My eyes were closed. I remember thinking that his solar plexus looked overdeveloped in relation to his small stature, and that his robe appeared too long and that it floated and bounced up and down slightly as he walked up to me. Only later in videotapes was this corroborated. Anyway, to make a long story short, I had a powerful experience that permanently altered my world for the better, and cracked my universe wide open. I became a devotee.
This is why for a number of years after going to India with my husband while 5 months pregnant with my first son, and receiving the coveted interview, I couldn't reconcile my experience during the interview with the prior vision experience.
I didn't realize at the time I was at Puttaparthi that I was strongly clairvoyant. This ability became very marked years later, but was germinating at the time of my stay at the ashram. While I was there bizarre sexual thoughts kept passing through my mind. Once, while walking by the meditation bench behind the mandir, I had a distinct inner seeing of SB standing in his room masturbating, looking out his window, and laughing at the crowd.
I was horrified and thought that if this was inner purification and my garbage was arising, then I must be some sort of pervert. It didn't stop there. When my husband and I were in the outer group interview room with a bunch of other folks, I kept looking at SB thinking, literally "so what's up your dhoti?" Again, I was horrified at my thoughts. SB began to glare at me and started saying something very rapidly to me in what I assumed was Telugu. He ended whatever it was he said with "Bolo!" I figured I'd better "Bolo" and said, I'm having a wonderful time, Swami. He then glared at me harder and said "Bad girl, bad girl! Not good to lie in here." I figured that this was an inauspicious start and felt crushed. After all, here was this guy who had shown up in vision...
After that, my husband, I and two other people we knew were taken into the inner interview room by SB. Our friends, long-time devotees, were in bliss.
My feeling of revulsion kept growing, however. Finally, SB got around to speaking with me. He predicted that my child would be a son and said about my husband and myself "much fighting." Since my husband and I did not then (and do not now) fight much at all, we just stared at each other bewildered. SB then backtracked a bit and said "just small disagreements," or something to that effect.
He had a greasy look on his face like the cat that'd just swallowed the canary. He asked me what I wanted. I just said "Whatever your will is, Swami", thinking inside that what I wanted was a son and that I didn't trust his prediction and that I found him perversely sexual in some way I couldn't define. He kept glaring at me. That was basically it, but when I found out directly a year or so later from a friend in my local center that he'd been sexually molested by SB in his teens several times, everything clicked into place. I'd been picking up on SB's pedophilia during the interview, and he was aware of it and didn't like it.
Strange, that one human could demonstrate such extremes of light and shadow aspect. His sexual/mental abuse and torture of young boys and men is unconscionable. I feel that his scam operation in Puttaparthi should be officially shut down by the Indian government. He's dangerous to the mental health of many young men and boys, and is an embarrassing liability to India.
This Is a Reply by Kyra to Msg 2452 by Hari Sampath:
Thanks for your kind reply...
Your point about SB and "dark and negative inner energies" is in fact something I've debated about over the years. I didn't present myself clearly on that point. Bottom line is, I think he's a sexually abusive old man. That's the "shadow" side I'm referring to. I don't want to attribute to him false powers. I don't see him as an anti-Christ figure, which if it were true would then certainly make such powers plausible. Beliefs regarding SB being an anti-Christ in my opinion are fear-based, and fear certainly gives the power of control to the perverted sexual/psychological abuser. Myself, I'm not Christian and have been with my root guru Ammachi for the last 10 years. Again if making such a statement is insulting, please let me know. It's not my desire to hurt anyone and I have nothing against loving people with Christian beliefs. It's simply not a religion/spirituality that I've ever been drawn to, even though I was raised in that faith.
As to SB traveling in inner dimensions, my inner jury is still out on that one. I find it entirely possibly that my own sincere seeking brought the Divine to me in his form, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with him. On the other hand, I can't discount the possibility that on some deep level he has a positive side. This is harder to believe however, after carefully reading most of the posts (so far) on the sai victims site. My husband read them too. We were both sickened.
We also know of one case not on the sai victims site where the young adolescent son of a couple prominent in the sai organization was sexually molested by SB, and when the boy was upset and reported this to his parents, the parents were in denial and told him it was for his own good. How any clear-thinking person could come up with such a conclusion is beyond me. I don't se how any more evidence is needed as to SB's sexual perversity. I wouldn't be surprised if he's molested hundreds of thousands of young men and boys. The thought of SB trawling the darshan crowd actually looking for male sexual playthings revolts me.
Another point which I didn't bring out fully is SB's psychological abuse of women, which again in my opinion can be as devastating as sexual abuse. It's clear to me upon observation of his treatment of myself and other women at Puttaparthi when I was there that SB is a misogynist who truly hates women. I'm curious as to how many women would be willing to report their own psychologically damaging experiences either in this club or on the sai victims site.
Lots of love, Kyra
P.S. My husband is also that blond young looking type (his Swedish genes are very apparent in his appearance), and there's no doubt in my mind that SB was attracted to him. He forced padnamaskar on Chris by pushing his head down to kiss his feet even when Chris was hesitant. I was denied padnamaskar with a vehement negative shake of the head.
For more from Kyra and to read these posts in the context of the full discussion, go to Discussion.