Letter 21, March 16th, 2004

Dear Fam,

I keep losing track of time and now I think yet another month has gone by. The days seem to run into each other as my daily routine blurs things together.

It's mid-term tests this week, which means a lot of sitting and watching students take tests and I'm doing my best to keep them from cheating. Cheating is rampant with the stakes being so high, and what makes the situation so difficult is that they are so terrible at it and obvious. It's generally accepted in this culture, so there are always a few groans when I conduct an exam as the girls have all learned that I personally do not accept it - especially when it's so obvious.

I'm not finished grading my own exams, but thus so far, I'm pleasantly surprised. In one of my classes 35 of the 60 passed, which is a huge improvement from the 15 or so that passed from that same class last year. Are these girls finally starting to get it? Have I finally figured out how to teach them in such away that they understand and remember? Then again, it could just be that my tests are getting easier as the girls get used to my style of writing them. We'll see I guess, but its given me a huge boost of motivation and ideas as to how I want to finish out the term. I absolutely hate basing their success upon test results, but if they're getting a least bit better, it doesn't hurt to take that into account.

I escaped to Newala this last weekend along with four other volunteers in my region. I say "escaped" because I truly was needing a break. February and March were the most difficult months last year, and I think March is going to take the prize this year. It doesn't help that I've been incredibly busy and somewhat stressed out organizing this girls conference, but that will be all over and done with in less than three weeks time.

Newala was nice, it always is. It's about 15 degrees cooler and while close to town, a much more relaxed atmosphere than Masasi. Fred, the volunteer there has built this tree house, hanging literally, halfway over the plateau. It's only a ten minute walk from the house and town, but it feels like you've left civilization, and all that's left is you, the birds, the monkeys and the beautiful view overlooking the Masasi hills. It's the perfect sunset lookout, but I also found myself enjoying the afternoon breeze and the silence; those hours were some of the most peaceful I have felt since I've been in Africa.

With those peaceful moments came a lot of thinking. For the most part, I feel good about what I'm doing here. The students are wonderful, I've made friends, and I love the simplicity of so many things in my life. This is not the place though where I want to spend the rest of my life and although I can think of many positives that would come from extending a third year here there are a lot of negatives as well. I think that come December, I will be ready to move on and try something new. What that will be I don't quite know yet, but that's okay. A big part of me feels I've spent too much time planning every detail of my life. So what it all boils down to is, uncertainty; if I've learned anything from being here its that you can't have too many expectations because you'll never really exactly know what something is going to be like until you find yourself there, at that place at that time. I guess we'll see in a few months when I have to decide.

Love to you all...

Jessica