Engineer ~ Mike

#1. Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want."

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

#2. Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

#3. Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

#4. Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Easy: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

#5. Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it has been a civil engineer.

The other two were incredulous, asking, "Why?"

He then elaborated, "Who else, but a civil engineer, would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"

#6. Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."