A Southerner Moves Up North

Jan 10: 5:00PM. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot
buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It
was beautiful!
Jan 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub
covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our
sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver
smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.
Jan 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees
and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his
trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.
Jan 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bough snow
tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
Jan 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4X4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a
considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles
covered in snow and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That damn snowplow came by twice today.
Jan 15: 2 degrees outside. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to
keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put
the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the
emergency room......It was totaled.
Jan 16: Damn white shit keeps on coming down. Have to put all the clothes we own on just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch the
son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits
to cover up our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.
Jan 17: Six more inches of snow and sleet and ice and god knows what other kind of white shit fell last night. I wounded the
snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow-blind. I can't move my toes.
Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill, -38 damn degrees.

I'M MOVING BACK TO SOUTH CAROLINA!